Gratitude | What August Brings

I'm craving routine on a spiritual, emotional, and physical level.

It's weird - in this moment, I feel a lot of creative energy + my mind is whirring with ideas, and things I want to say, and content I want to create. And yet execution has been so difficult for me. I've been living in a state of flux for the past 3 months and not having a home base has been draining. I'm not feeling at my best. And so even though I know what I want to do and how I want to grow this blogging space, I'm also realizing that I need to be good to myself, and the first way that I can do that is by establishing a routine.

I'm currently 200+ pounds. This is the heaviest I've ever been and I'm beginning to experience the physical ailments that come along with carrying extra weight. I've always had lordosis (also known as sway back), but I recently noticed that as my stomach grows bigger + heavier, I'm also starting to experience a lot of pain in my lower back. And for the first time, I can feel back rolls when I stand up straight. I have a standing desk at work, which I've always wanted, but I realized that I can only remain standing for 20-30 minutes at a time, if that, because my back starts to hurt. So all in all, I'm going through a lot of physical changes as a result of this weight gain + they really don't feel too good. And since Jeremiah and I haven't been in a place that feels like home, I've put off establishing a routine or eating/exercising/living in ways that make me feel best. As sad as it is to admit, my thought process has been: "Well I'm already fat, so it really doesn't matter what I eat/do right now, and I'll just eat well when I'm actually settled." I know that's probably the most terrible way to think about it, but it's been my thought process for the past 3 months. It was my way of coping with immense change and knowing that establishing a home front was a ways off.

All that being said, we're finally moving into our new apartment this weekend, and my health is my number one priority. We'll only live about 30 minutes away from my job and so, at minimum, I want to walk to and from work every day. (Any suggestions on a cute, work-appropriate backpack? I don't think carrying a heavy shoulder bag 30 minutes each way is going to feel too great.) The plan, as of right now, is to do a full round of Whole 30, no excuses. I've been compiling recipes, researching appliances (blenders + food processors + instant pots), and mapping out a rewards calendar of sorts. And then this Friday, I'm checking out a kickboxing/strength training gym. It's $99/month for unlimited classes, and I think it'll be worth the investment. I'm a little bit worried about my back acting up, but we'll see how it goes.

Mostly, I'm excited to move simply because we'll have a space to call our own. I just want to know that I'm returning to a permanent home. The idea of unpacking my favorite things from that boxes that were packed back in mid-May almost brings me to tears. At this point, I'm sure I've forgotten about some of the things that I own and unpacking will be like a nice surprise. While I'm a little bit anxious about move day + how exhausted everything will be, I just have to remember that it'll be worth it.

In terms of the blog, I have a few new things coming down the pipeline (hopefully) soon. I partnered with a few great companies that I want to tell you about, but, again, I need to start carving out time for my health before diving back into projects. It's really interesting - I've reached out to a few photographers in Atlanta to help me with blog posts, and every single person I've contacted has been flaky/fallen through. I feel like it's the universe telling me to slow down. I need to focus on myself, make friends (how do you do that again?) and enjoy Atlanta for its newness and potential.

So this is what August brings. A craving for routine; a dedication to establishing it. What's on your mind? Where are you at mentally, physically, and emotionally? x